Harry Potter and the School Inspection
by themask77
Summary: Dear Professor Dumbledore, It has come to my attention that Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry is slightly lapse when it comes to a few mandatory safety regulations.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

It has come to my attention that Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry is slightly lapse when it comes to a few mandatory safety regulations.

The most terrifying of which is the staircases in your school. In the last year alone there has been seven different cases of students falling upwards of thirty feet when descending /ascending a stair and it starts to move, now I do understand that it is a tradition in your school for students to prove themselves by getting to class on time with the staircases and other obstacles trying to foil them, and that all the students who fell off or tripped down the stairs were expertly treated by your fantastic nurse and have since made full recoveries, but regardless, it is unsafe and causing your students and their families a great amount of easily avoidable pain and suffering.

And it is on the request of certain individuals that will not be named, and a long past due mandatory centenial general report that I make a thorough investigation on the school and its policies to ensure a safe environment for teachers and students alike. You may expect me to take up temporary residencies within the school grounds between July the fifth and the start of term. You may expect me to stay from the end of term up to a full seven years, as these reports are rather extensive, and tend to take awhile to be completed. However you will be notified when it is complete, and whether or not your school passes inspection, And your teaching license renewed.

Hope you are having a wonderful day

Cygnus Stixrood, Department For Permits And Filing.


	2. The First Of The Five Quartely Reports

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I would first like to say that I greatly appreciate you allowing me full range over all of the schools facilities, although unnecessary it will speed up the process very much. It has been quite a while since I attended the school myself as a child and I look forward to exploring it once more.

Now, to business. This is the first of five (5) quarterly reports I will be giving to both you and my superiors, just routine things that I will go into more detail in my Complete Inspection Report. This is just something to let you know how far along I am and things that you may want to adjust before my departure, and the filing of my report into the public record.

Although please, do not worry, though some have complained of this school "going to the dogs" and have uttered other such unsavory phrases about it, I for one, believe in the integrity of this institute and plan to bring that to light in my report. It is of course just the sadly outdated 'traditionalist' aspects of the School that I and the Department For Permits And Filing, are concerned about.

And so far the school has been exemplary in its hospitality, comfort and service. I have met your most kind Games Keeper and he had offered giving me a tour of the Forbidden Forest. Although at first I was worried about the safety of such an expedition, (I do remember having the most dreadful dreams about the place when I was a lad) I took him up on his offer and started my inspection there.

I must say, I had thought the rumors I heard while attending were nothing but hogwash, but Hagrid told me all about the inhabitants of the forest, and I am slightly ashamed to say that I was completely taken aback by how you could house such vicious creatures, so near children that, not knowing any better, could run into the Forest on a simple dare. I was just about ready to send a owl to the Head of the Department For Permits And Filing, when I realized that of course you must have some protective barrier that prevents such things from occurring. I am sorry I jumped to the conclusion that looked poorly on the school before I had a chance to investigate. We try to avoid that sort of thing at the Department For Permits And Filing, as it looks poorly on all parties involved.

Looking forward to the start of the school year, and meeting your most respected staff.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.

P.S. if you would, at the next convenient opportunity, please give me a list of all the protective Spells/Charms/Wards that you have placed on the Forbidden Forest, it would greatly help my Standard Safety Inspection.


	3. Just a Quick Urgent Note

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

Regularly you should not have expected a letter from me for quite some time yet, but there is something that I believed could not wait until the next scheduled report.

You see when I woke this morning and moved to my desk, (and thank you very much for the desk by the way its quite lovely) I found the list that I had asked for in my first scheduled report, The list that I had wanted to detail all of the protective Spells/Charms/Wards, that you have placed on the Forbidden Forest? and, well, I am quite sure this must be a typo of some sort, because 'the creatures know their boundaries' is not an acceptable form of containment!

Do you mean that they could just walk up to the castle if they so desired? What if a student, behaving as a student sometimes does, in foolishness, decides to forgo your many warnings and takes a stroll in the forest? This is a direct violation of the Act for Non-Life Threatening Educational Pursuits of 1912!

Though I am sure it is just a typo, please respond to this by start of term or I will sadly be forced to send a Official Request to the Head of the Department For Permits And Filing to suspend start of term until the local wild life is contained in a manner that leaves no room to question as to weather or not the student body could wander into the forest and become a boundary conscious spiders lunch.

Hoping your summer has been as good as mine.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	4. Sorry for the Misunderstanding

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

Thank you very much for being so punctual in getting back to me.

I am relived to say that I misunderstood the list you gave me, and that I will not be sending a letter to the Head of the Department For Permits And Filing any time soon. Except of course for the mandatory scheduled reports.

Though the revised list you gave me is quite acceptable I must request that you give me the list I ask for the first time, instead of giving me the list that tells me of the strong moral conscious of the creature(s) in question has.

Not that it is not important, in fact I am sure it is, but it is much more professional to inspect the tangible evidence rather then a moral standpoint.

In a unrelated matter, I had the delight of meeting some of your staff this morning while I was inspecting the cleanliness of your breakfast goblets, (and may I say, I have never seen a goblet quite so clean.) they were quite friendly, though I will express some concern on your choice of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, not that I believe him to be under qualified, its merely that I am concerned that he will not make himself heard in a eloquent and engaging manner to the students. Although I admire your equal opportunity employment method, I would suggest hiring a speech therapist to help the poor man with his stutter.

Very sorry for the misunderstanding.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	5. Congratulations on Start of Term

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

This is the second of the five (5) quarterly reports.

Firstly, congratulations on the start of term! And of course thank you so much for my very own table in the great hall. Of course it is in the corner in the back of the hall, which is a bit drafty, and it's a bit dimly lit, and the resident poltergeist was rhyming some very rude things about and to me for the majority of the welcoming feast, but it is in a excellent spot for observation on the hall, and the secluded corner allows me some privacy with which to take my notes on the inspection which is always ongoing.

Although I admit I had been hoping I would be invited to sit at the head table with you and your most respected staff, I see now that my table is much more fitting for me and my purposes. Though perhaps next year I could perform an inspection on how the hall looks from the head table? You know, to make sure I did not miss anything, and to see things from a new perspective and all that, it is all very Official I assure you.

I was so glad to see all of the smiling faces of the young students ready to learn, bursting with the desire to attend their individual classes and get high marks on all of their homework. I remember the days when I was young, and just couldn't wait for the weekend to be over so I could turn in my history of magic homework. Good old Professor Bins, I see that he still works here after all these years? Very efficient business practice, keeping the ghost on after the man passed away, no costs for food or sick leave, training a replacement, medical insurance or retirement funds. Come to think of it costs could be cut quite a bit if the ministry kept their ghost on instead of sending them to the Department of Mysteries. As long as the ghost is willing of course.

Happily sitting at my very own table.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	6. Thank You For The Card

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

Regarding the Get Well Card I received from you asking me to recount why exactly I was admitted to the hospital wing last Thursday.

I have a rather disturbing account to tell you of.

You see this past Thursday, I was walking along the third floor, minding my own business, inspecting. When the resident poltergeist came to me and told me of a major infraction upon the integrity of a main support beam for a room near by. Taking him on his word (which I see to be quite foolish now) I investigated immediately. Running after him down the corridor he led me to a locked door, after his insisting that the infraction was quite severe, I decided to unlock it myself instead of requesting the keys from the caretaker, mister Filch. You can imagine my surprise when upon opening the door, when instead of the infract support beam I was expecting, I was met with a very big, hungry looking Cerberus.

Now I am sure you can understand why I fainted and was taken to the hospital wing by the most kind Professor Flitwick, who was luckily happened to be walking by some time later.

And that is why I stayed in the hospital wing until this morning when I was released by the expert nurse, Madame Pomfrey.

There are quite a few things I would like to discuss about the large three headed dog I found in that room, but first and foremost is the health hazard it is posing with the immense amount of drool I saw pooling at its feet, not to mention all of the children who have dog allergies in the school. I will need a blue print of the dogs room to ensure none of the dander can escape, as well as a interview with the dogs caretaker so I can speak with him about the dogs living space and how he needs to keep it clean.

Thank you sincerely for the concern and the card.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	7. I Really Do Not Know How This Happend

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I really do not know how this happened.

A Cave Troll? How exactly did it get into the castle? They are not even native to this area, where would it come from? (The Forbidden Forest perhaps?) I require blue prints to the entire dungeons to find out how this happened, and prevent this occurrence from ever happening again.

A dog is acceptable in the castle, (though I do not recall seeing it on the list of pets the student could bring) but Cave Trolls have no value at all when it come to the faithful companionship that a pet provides.

I would also like to set up a meeting with Professor Quirrell, to discuss how the castles defense against dark creature such as the Cave Troll can be fortified, so that a incident like this can be avoided.

By the way, did you ever hire a speech therapist as I suggested? If you have not, perhaps you should hire him a therapist who specializes in confidence building as well, because it looks poorly on your school when your Defense against the Dark Arts teacher feints at the first sign of trouble. Not that I have anything against the man, it's just that, well, have you ever been in the same room with him? The smell of garlic, Dear Merlin! Does he really think that a vampire is going to get past all of the schools defenses and attack him?

I really would like those blue prints. Maybe what the school needs is to train all of the suits of armor in the art of battle.

Hope you had a wonderful Halloween.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	8. I Am A Little Bit Concerned

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I am sorry to say that when I attended my first Quidditch match of the year I was startled to find that one of the seekers a mister Plotter (or some such, I couldn't quite catch his name over all the cheering, when it was announced.) was a First year student and did not meet the required age limit of Second year. I really do hope there is a sound reason as to why the boy was allowed to compete even though the age limit was put in place to protect those such as himself from harm.

For example, was he held back a year? In which case do you think it wise to allow him to compete when he clearly doesn't devote enough of his time to his studies as it is? Is he from a different culture where he is required to play Quidditch every day under penalty of being outcast? If so, he should be allowed to play on his own, without the other, older, rougher playing students.

Studies show that the regular Quidditch player sustains on average five (5) hospitalizing injuries per season, and if the player is under twelve years, and playing with those over twelve years, the numbers double.

Does the boy even know how to handle a broom? I turned to Professor Snape, to ask if he knew, but he didn't even respond to me, too engrossed in the match, I suspect. I tried to get his attention several times but was unsuccessful.

Though it is refreshing to see teachers take an interest in student activities, one would think a distinguished Wizard like Professor Snape would be a little more aware of his surroundings.

I was not able to watch the rest of the match because I was so flustered that I had to calm myself by going down to the foundations of the stadium to make sure it had regulation point-braces, which it does. Though might I suggest color coding all of the odd numbered point-braces, to ensure no confusion, if, for instance, someone needs to replace all of the odd ones due to a mildew outbreak.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.

P.S. I met this most delightful young witch when I was going to the foundations, when I greeted her and asked what she was doing she said she was just counting the number of planks under the seats. Once hearing this I talked with her about the joys of inspecting but unfortunately she had to run off because she needed the little girls room. Perhaps you could consider me opening an apprenticeship for any aspiring young inspectors at heart?


	9. Something Odd

Dear Professor Dumbledore

I am writing this while inspecting a very intense inspection matter. You see while I was inspecting a wall hanging in the entrance hall, a group of students (I suspect not noticing me behind the wall hanging) came in and started talking about some very odd things.

They suggested that Professors Quirrell and Snape were, well I didn't hear everything, the wall hanging was quite thick, but it sounded like they were saying that the good professors were going to steal a stone while you were away on your very important meeting with the minister.

The students are now moving away, but do not fear, I had some Auror training before I decided to devote my life to the noble cause at the Department of Permits and Filing, and I will tail them, and make sure they don't get up to any misdeeds.

I will give you the rest of this report once I find out what the students are up to.

I do hope your visit with the minister is quite pleasant.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	10. Thank You For The Card, Again

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I am very grateful that you have once again sent me a very lovely 'Get Well Card'.

In my last letter I sent you I told you of the group of students that were possibly planning harm on two of your most respected staff, and that I was fallowing them to make sure they did not do any such thing.

I fallowed them to the Gryffindor dorms and waited outside for them to exit, but to my surprise when they did I could not see them! They must have cast a disillusionment spell or some such. (and while I commend teaching your students so well that they can cast such a difficult piece of magic, I should think that using it to sneak around the castle after curfew does warrant a reprimand.) I continued to fallow them until they came upon the room where the dog is being kept.

At first I thought that the dog was their pet and they were simply going to visit it, but after I watched the door for a good ten minutes and I heard some rather ferocious barking I decided that even though the last time I met the dog it didn't end well, I really should investigate and make sure that Hagrid did listen to me, and none of the children that went in slipped in the enormous pool of drool, and fell, possibly needing medical attention.

So I steeled myself and entered.

Now I really am very embarrassed to say this, but the Cerberus, it just looked so big with its yellow eyes, and I am ashamed to say I fainted again.

Thankfully, Professor Snape who was also keeping an eye on the children, found me some time later, and sent a message to Madame Pomfrey that I needed to be brought to the hospital wing once again, before continuing after the children himself.

And that is how I came to be in the expert care of your nursing staff once again.

See you at the end of term feast.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.

P.S. I have no clue as to how it happened, but my condolences on Professor Quirrell's untimely death.


	11. It Has Been A Splendid Year

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

All in all it has been a splendid school year. Though giving those students house points for wandering around after curfew, seemed like it may be sending the wrong sort of message.

Can't wait until the start of next term.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing. `


	12. I Can Not Wait To Start Inspecting Again

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

How was your summer? Mine was lovely, I had a small vacation in Alaska, and spent it inspecting the moose population, which was quite thrilling to say the least.

But do not worry, I am more willing then ever to continue inspecting your most excellent school.

When I came back, and made my way to my quarters on the fourth floor, I was disappointed to see that despite my concerns expressed in my very first letter to you, you have yet to change any of the stairs into stationary stairs. I do understand that it was short notice, right before the start of the school year and it takes time to complete the change, I am sure, but I had hoped you would have done something about it by now.

Although legally you do not yet have to make that change to your school, (it being a safety hazard but not an immediate or life threatening one) but you most likely will when I finish my report and send it in for evaluation by the Supreme Inspection Inspector, or face not having your teaching licenses renewed.

I see that you have found a replacement for poor Professor Quirrell, a Mister Gildaroy Lockhart? I must confess I have heard of him, a rather successful author of some kind?

Hope you had a pleasant summer.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	13. A Very Odd Creature

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I swear the oddest thing occurred yesterday evening. I was walking out under the stars, (inspecting the clear view) when out of the Forbidden Forest came a strange blue wheeled creature. Thankfully there was a nearby tree that I was able to get up, before it saw me. Now, I have no idea as to what it could be, never before have I seen anything like it, and I am quite worried that this creature originated in your very forest! Given that it was able to come out of the forest I believe that perhaps the safety charms that are in place should be revised.

I did meet the Professor Lockhart, during the start of term feast, (although I was not invited to the high table again this year, I am quite sure that there is merely a mishap with the post, I will patiently wait for the delayed owl to deliver to me my invitation.) and I must say that he has certainly lived a 'adventurous' life.

You know the man told me he had fended off a werewolf with a silver hair brush, it reminded me, of course, about the time I inspected a silver hairbrush, and declared it was suitable for wielding against a werewolf. Although it was not recommended, of course.

Please keep a eye out for that most likely incredibly vicious creature.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	14. Rather Distressing

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

Some of the things that Professor Lockhart is teaching the students worries me.

On his first day of class he gave a quiz about himself, giving the children no time to even prepare themselves other then their course books they bought over the summer, which he did not even list as needing to read before the start of term. and about the books.

Do you not think that it would bring the sales of a book up substantially if it were required reading martial for a school as large as Hogwarts?

Now, I am by no means trying to slander the good Professor, but don't you think it is slightly excessive to make all of your rather large collection of books, a must buy for the entire student body? I think this is hardly fair to the parents of the students who must purchase these supplies, and by the way, I have read them (as I must for all required course books, it being part of my inspection) and they are all really the same thing! Lockhart successfully slays a monster in every one employing almost the exact same method he used in the previous tale of adventure and intrigue, which I am sure that 'ordinary' witches and wizards, such as myself, could have done if put in the same position. And I am not alone in thinking this. Indeed I had a very in depth conversation with Professors Flitwick and Snape about Professor Lockhart and I must say they don't care for the man either. Not that this is about how I feel about him, this is a purely professional opinion. For above all else I remain professional in my reports, regardless of how he may have expressed feelings on my profession that were less then accurate, and more then insulting.

Always happy to tell you of what is going on in the inspection. (and any teachers who seem to be doing a less then adequate job.)

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	15. Thank You Very Much

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

Thank you so much for granting me permission to start the Inspection Club! I have posted flyers on all regulation posting boards and am excitedly awaiting the first scheduled meeting this Saturday evening.

Although it is not strictly apart of the inspection of your school, and therefore not at all within procedure for a normal school inspection, I simply could not pass by this singular opportunity to share my experience and joy of inspection with those young minds who would wish to learn it for themselves.

I am also looking forward to the Halloween feast, I will enjoy inspecting it properly this year (although I am afraid even though you did not mean for it to happen I did have to write the Troll down in my inspection notes, I am very sorry, but it is my job.)

But in more personal news, I was speaking with Professor Lockhart and he challenged me to a costume contest! I mean, really! Does he not consider himself a role model for the students? To be so childish as to challenge me? To a petty costume contest, no less? He even went so far as to write up a list of rules we both had to sign.

And all of it because I questioned his holiday spirit. And I only questioned it because he seemed a little bit startled when I levitated a regulation holiday fake spider over his head.

And it is not as though I am going to decline his challenge, that would just be unkind, and childish as well. Besides, he proclaimed that the winner would be decided by a vote from three teacher judges, and knowing the standard of morals the teachers at this school uphold I have no worries as to who their choice will be.

It is not as though Professor Lockhart won Best Costume four years in a row at his office Halloween parties.

Again, my sincerest thanks.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	16. Hoping You Had A Happy Halloween

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

This is a outrage! I demand immediate action to fix the situation! The entire evening was thoroughly devoid of any Halloween cheer at all because of this fiasco of a Halloween celebration! How could you allow Professor Lockhart to Cheat in such a blatant display of favoritism? Not that there is anything at all wrong with Professors Sprout and Vector, and Madame Pomfrey, but it is a well know fact that they Favor Lockhart over myself and it was obvious that I had the better costume and yet they still both voted for Him! I mean I had a completely authentic Quiditch beaters robe from the Holey Head Harpies! Handed down to me by my grandfather! And Lockhart came dressed as himself!

This is all rather upsetting as I am sure you can imagine. And I would have hoped that you had picked staff members that could remain unbiased in the face of a costume contest. I am afraid that I will be forced to put this down in my Official Report.

Also, Please make it a priority to track down whoever it was that did that most horrid thing to Mister Filche's cat.

Hoping you, at least, had a pleasant holiday.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	17. About My Most Regretful Letter

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

My apologies. I now realize that my last letter to you was incredibly selfish of me. I spoke mostly of a foolish contest between myself and Professor Lockhart when I should have been speaking with you about the breach in safety at your school, and the best method of cleaning the blood from the walls.

I feel duly the shame of my actions, and the drive to better conduct myself in the future. I do hope you will forgive me for my rash and very undeserved letter.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.

P.S. I hope you understand that I will be sending a report of the 'Chamber of Secrets' incident to the proper authorities at the ministry. Although it is most likely just a prank happy child with ill taste, I still have to send the report, as per regulations.

P.P.S. I really do hope you confront professor Lockhart about his deplorable behavior, you would think the man has not a shred honor.


	18. I Am So Excited!

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

Firstly, I would like to say that the First Official Inspection Club Meeting has been adjourned! And a schedule for all proceeding meetings worked out for the remaining school year! that was the first activity you know, scheduling the meetings, and I must say I believe everyone enjoyed it immensely! I also showed them the proper way in which to fill out a Name Tag, which is the very first thing a Inspector needs to know.

There was a total of twenty (20) students in attendance! And all of the regulation snacks were eaten!

Of course the number of students did drop considerably when I informed them that the Inspection Club was not a training club for aspiring secret agents.

But a handful of students still remained, and I believe this club will be a smashing success!

Thank you once a again for this most gracious of gifts.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.

P.S I was thinking that some time in the future I would take my Inspection Club for a little Inspection around the castle, I just need your permission for us to enter any sort of room no longer in use, preferably one with a mirror, as I wish to demonstrate all the different styles of reflective capabilities that regulation castle mirrors possess.


	19. We Will Inspect!

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

What exactly do you mean 'the mirrors should not be inspected at this time'?

Are you trying to prevent me from teaching my Club the intricacies of the bathroom mirror?

You know it is people like you that try to beat down the noble pursuit of inspection, and tear down our modern society!

I Will be sending a letter to the Inspection Inspector about your flagrant display of hatred toward my profession.

The Inspection Club will Not Fall! They will Not give up! They will Inspect! And never Not (inspect)!

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.

P.S. Today at breakfast you had food stuck in between your teeth. I was not going to say anything, but I feel you needed to know that it really was very disgusting.


	20. Very Sorry

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

Again, in the matter of a week, I find myself apologizing for my deplorable behavior.

I am very sorry for the letter I sent you, accusing you of 'flagrant hatred' and other regretful words.

I really do hope we can somehow move past this and find it in our self's to forgive and forget.

I do not know what has come over me these past few months since the start of term, I was so glad to have come back to the castle and inspect, but now I see everything as a slight to my person and a reason to hex someone's ears so they will spit pink fire that smells like a cesspool.

I really think it is that Lockhart. Every time I meet him, whether it is in the great hall or when I am leaving the lavatory, he always find a way to get my goat! Be it a sly smile or a witty jab at my expense.

But, I will preserver. I will simply jot down in my inspection book that Professor Lockhart leaves much to be desired in both a teaching capacity and in the way of being a noble human being, and carry on.

Also, I will be sending a owl to Professor Lockhart informing him that he is not hired as the school nurse, so the next time he feels the need to impersonate one in the future he can come by me and I will supply him with the necessary application form and uniform for the nursing post, or he could (as he will be doing very soon) face a lawsuit that I will bring to the attention of the parents of the poor boy who got his arm deboned.

By the way, do you keep lawyers on retainer?

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	21. Rather Inconvenient

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

Am I to understand that a first year was petrified? Thank you very much for informing me of this, I will put everything aside to help deduce what could have possibly have happened, although it could not have come at a worse time, at the moment I am researching previous cases where those who were seeking to help though they knew nothing of healing were woefully off with simple charms, causing a even worse condition to arise. For the lawsuit against Professor Lockhart.

Not that I am suggesting that the poor boy chose to be petrified, It is merely that it is inconvenient for me at this time, but nevertheless I will still inspect the manner in which he came to be petrified.

Do you think this could have anything to do with what happened to Ms. Norris? In any case a letter to the boys family should be sent at once, and though I know it is not necessarily my place, perhaps I could write it? Just to ask the family a few questions, its possible whatever happened to the boy came from his home, there are a few weeds that could cause the same affect that the boy is suffering from, and it could take up to months to come to its full affect.

And of course It would be good for the Inspection Club to see me in action.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	22. Your Son Is In A Coma

Dear Ms. And Mr. Creevey.

I am very sorry to say that your young son Colin has been has been put into a coma, or as we WIZARDS call it PETRIFIED. I know this may come as a shock to you but do NOT worry, the WIZARDING society has a very advanced HEALING MAGIC that will put your boy to rights in no time!

I do have some very simple Questions for you to answer, to try and work out how this came to pass.

1. Do you have any odd purple plants growing in your yard, Or as we WIZARDS call them VIOLETS?

2. Did Colin have any contact with dogs that had THREE (3) eyes?

3. Is Colin's bedroom Orange?

4. Does he usually have milk in the morning?

5. Is it goat milk?

6. Is the goat actually a Chupacabra? (sometimes it is very hard to tell)

I understand that some of theses questions may seem 'Arbitrary' or 'Nutter Nonsense' to Muggle's such as yourself but I can assure you that they are all relevant in a MAGICAL way, and you should not worry about it in the slightest.

Just know that anything you can tell me is vital, and in no time at all your son will be back to normal, frolicking in the school yard and retuning homework on time.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.

P.S. I know that some of the words that WIZARDS use are not common place in the MUGGLE world. I did try to write this letter in a way I could be better understood but it is perfectly fine if you need clarification on a particular word or phrase, do not hesitate to OWL me a question. (that's how WIZARDS talk to each other, just like a TELEYALUR PHONE)


	23. Dueling

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

The Inspection Club is going strong! We've been inspecting things non-stop with our three (3) night's a week meetings! At first I thought it might be a bit to much for a starting inspector but the children have spoken and they want more inspecting! Yesterday we even went on a special Classroom inspection and we were able to spot the many, many flaws in Professor Lockhart's very own room.

About the dueling Club that Professor Lockhart wish's to start.

It really is laughable about how little the man knows about regulations and forms and all of the things you need filed before a teacher can lead in any sort of non-mandatory extra curricular activity. Especially one that has such a large chance for injuries to occur. I mean, who does he think he is? A Vogon?

Anyway I am sure you were unaware of his intentions until now, and you can quite soundly put a stop to them. I mean he says the students must learn defense because of the petrified student, but why? Does he think whatever is doing this is a maniacal person who is intentionally causing this to happen? Preposterous! It is much more likely that Ms. Norris and Mr. Creevey, simply on accident ate something they were not suppose to. And then a different student decided to take up some holiday cheer and write those horrible things on the wall in the cats blood.

Or instead of something they ate, it could have been something they drank, I think I will take a stroll down to inspect the water quality in a bathroom. I've even heard the students talking about one in particular that's been flooding recently, and that does warrant inspection.

I do hope you speak with Professor Lockhart soon.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing.


	24. Dear Cornelius

Dear Cornelius.

I regretfully inform you that your Chief Centennial Inspector Mr. Stixrood is currently laying in one of our hospital beds, petrified.

Apparently, Inspector Stixrood was doing a admirable job of inspecting the water in one of our bathrooms when it happened. I will hold all of the letters that have been sent to him by his department until we have a cure for him, unless instructed otherwise. Also, if you would kindly inform his superiors at the department for permits and filing, and his next of kin, it would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Albus.


	25. Your School is Substandard

Dear Mr. Dumbledore.

When I received a letter from the ministers secretary herself informing me that my only son was in a petrified state at your school, I was aghast.

How could you have let my little Swan get hurt like that?

I know Cygnus thought you were biased against him, but I never thought a headmaster of such reknown and prestige would stoop so low as to try and silence a noble inspector just because he was revealing all of the violations in your, quite frankly, second-rate school!

And I know all about Mr. Lockhart! And how you always took his side during all of his taunting, and disrespect toward Cygnus! I imagine you think he's a Hero don't you? Well I do not believe that a "Hero" would have let my little Swan become petrified by some unknown horror!

And let me tell you that it is a privilege to have such a top rate inspector as my Boy, inspect that drafty old castle you call a school! And yet you do nothing about the infractions he informs you of! The stairway? Cygnus told me that last moth he tripped going up the stairs several times last month alone! And the armor scares him and yet you will not remove it from the castle grounds, or at least make it a tad less frightening!

I will be taking my son out of your school and to a hospital that is qualified to treat him, until he is healed and required to go back to your Pile-of-garbage-school.

This is far from the last you'll be hearing from ME! At the very least I will be informing the inspection Inspector about how you treat the inspectors who inspect at your school.

Hoping the rest of your day is as nice as it was for me writing this letter.

A Very Angry Parent,

Melinda Stixrood.


	26. Dear Mr Sir Professor Headmaster

Dear Mr. Sir Professor Headmaster Dumbledore.

I am recovering from the horrible something that happened to me. I am not knowing what it was. The nurses do not know. I know they do not.

I am writing this from a comfortable hospital bed. The nurse tried to stop me from writing this letter when I told her it was to you. She does not think I am capable of using such high cognitive functions yet because of the reason that I am in this hospital bed and the medicine I was given because of it. I told her that I was smart enough to right my own letter to my own boss who is surely missing me because I am not working at the moment. Thank you much for the chocolate frog and the card, yes it does make me feel better.

Mother told me that she wrote you a letter. that's nice I always like it when she writes me letters. Sometimes she even enchants it so it will make cookies for me. Did she do that for you? I bet she did. She's does that for me sometimes.

I will come back to the school as soon as the nice lady who's wearing a nurse outfit says I can go, she says she's a nurse, but she's much too nice to be a nurse. Not like Madame Pomfrey. Whenever I went to the hospital wing last year. She tutted at me. TUTTED. I will put that on the report.

Also tell Lockhart that he better have filed the things he was suppose to. If not I will be forced to hex his eyebrows so they dance around him singing about all the ways he is failing as a wizard.

I am not sure when I will be back to inspecting. The school year is almost over and the nice lady says I may be here for a while. Whatever that happens to mean. Writing makes me tired. I want to write to some other persons at Hogwarts but I do not want to write another letter. Can you just tell them stuff for me?

I know you will say yes (you really are a very nice person) so tell my inspection club that Percy Weasley is in charge until I get back, (he's my prodigy you know. Extremely talented, I'll be his first reference when it comes to getting a job, he said.) and tell Professor Snape and professor Flitwick that I will be unable to attend our weekly card game and that I am very sorry, tell Peeves he cannot torment the students, tell my owl when you see him that you love him, he always likes getting told that you love him. And water my plants.

The nurse is back again. the mean one. The one who told me not to right write now. I think she's going to try and take the letter before I can mail it. She said she thought I would say something I would regret due to the medicine. HA foolish nurse does not know that I am the Inspector and never regrets anything said in the name of inspection!

Thank you

Cygnus the inspector!

P.s. this letter was all said in the name of inspection.


	27. Year The Third

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

It is a new year! I have recovered from all injuries sustained the previous year and am in top notch condition for the new year of schooling and inspection. I am incredibly overjoyed to hear that Mr. Lockhart was seen for what he was and somehow managed to injure himself enough to warrant being sent to Saint Mungo's. Incidentally, I had a lovely chat with him right before I was discharged and he admitted that it was my inspection review on the silver hairbrush that inspired him to write about how he defended himself with one, even though he did not do it at all and was just attention seeking, with my excellent review that both showcased the strength and integrity of the product while drawing the consumer in with a very true, (but not recommended) use of said product. But Mr. Lockhart promised that in payment for not asking my permission in the first place that he would name me in his books as the source of his survival (had I not written the review he would have never thought of it, and died a horrible agonizing death before help arrived) and in addition named me as a recipient of a portion of his books ongoing profit.

You know, once you get past the fact that the man has any real power at all, and that he is insufferable at the best of times, he is a rather Okay person to be around. Although he did seem a little 'out of it' when I spoke to him. Must just be the shock of losing a teaching position at one of the most prestigious school in the world.

Now, about the basilisk.

I understand you took care of the rather unfortunate type of sewer dweller. Although, I am not sure how seeing as you were un-instated pending further investigation from your position at the school, and could not have been on the grounds at the time of its demise. But I am sure you did it yourself, following standard procedure and thoroughly documenting the entire ordeal. The students, the ghost and the cat are all healed, I see, and all criminal activities that were suspected upon members of staff have been laid to rest. We can now start a new year free of unrest, danger, and disruptions to scheduled classes.

On a more personal matter, I was speaking with my nurse, who watched over me in my time at the hospital, during a scheduled check up, and she said that while I was recovering, I, well, I may have wrote some letters I might now regret. She said that she managed to wrestle most of them from me before I could mail them, but she thinks that I did succeed in mailing some.

She said that you were one of the recipients to my letters, so if you did happen to receive one, just know that I was not in my right mind at the time, and can not be held responsible for anything I may have said. And taking that into account I would like to apologize for what I may have said, should you have gotten the letter.

Also I spoke with my mother about the letter she sent you. I am very sorry, it will not happen again.

Please send me a letter on your choice for the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at your nearest convenience.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	28. A Few Small Things

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

There are just a few small things I need to get in order for my inspecting for the school year.

Firstly, I plan on inspecting Hogsmeade and the adjoining area that the students are allowed to visit, now that I have had two years to gather a basic understanding of the castle and its grounds, the opportunity has presented itself for me to inspect where the students go on their time off. Not that I am done with my inspection of the castle, Hogsmeade just needs to be inspected as well. And I admit that I have not yet had a chance to make my way down there, and would very much like the trip.

Secondly, am I correct to understand there will be Dementors stationed around the castle during the school year? Is this because a murderer has escaped prison? (and by the way I received a letter asking if I would like to inspect the escape of Mr. Black, and write a report on how he managed it, but do not worry, I declined, I will never leave a inspection before it is complete, even though I have been trying to inspect Azkaban for nearly my entire career) while I admire the dedication this institute has to protecting it students from harm, I would think considering the 'nature' of the Dementors they might prove to do more in the way of harming rather then helping. Especially if you take into account Mr. Blacks motivations. I am not sure what reasons Mr. Black would have in coming to his old school, rather then, say, hunting down the Aurors who caught him in the first place, or merely just trying to escape the country, to someplace the ministry does not have jurisdiction.

Thirdly, I see that your choice in the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is quite acceptable. He has all the required credentials and a large amount of real life experience fighting against the Death Eaters in the last Wizarding War. Very well suited for the position. Is there a reason that you picked Lockhart over him last year?

And lastly, as you may know, it is Percy's last year at Hogwarts, and you have made him head boy (a very, very good decision on your part) and I know this is a bit premature, but I was just wondering, if you would allow me to hold a going away party for him? Of course it would not be favoritism. I would then have a going away party for all of the Inspection Club members when their time comes, but he just did such a excellent job leading the Club while I was incapacitated.

Of course I understand if you feel it would take away from my regular inspection duties, but it really would mean a lot to the Club.

Hoping this Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher works out better then the last one.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	29. Halloween Mishaps

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I am really starting to doubt the wisdom in allowing the students to stay at the castle over Halloween. Three years in a row! First it was that troll, second it was Ms. Norris and that horrible writing on the wall, and now a convicted murderer has broken into the castle! What happened before I arrived? Is there some sort of curse I should be made aware of? Next year I would highly recommend hiring Aurors or something similar if you do not send the students home. Although seeing as you had Dementors on the grounds at the time of the attack some would question the helpfulness of even that.

In any case, I will be making some preparations for next year.

And I wonder why exactly you have not done the same before now. How long have you been Headmaster?

You do not have to answer that. I, being a inspector, know the answer. It was a rhetorical question.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	30. Regarding A Large Black Monster WolfDog

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I have been hearing rumors that there is a werewolf on the grounds. Of course I am sure that it is merely rumors, (all reports say they saw a large black monster wolf/dog wandering on the grounds) but I have decided it would be prudent to investigate the matter thoroughly, just to be sure.

I was hoping that I could be authorized to take my Inspection Club with me. As I am sure that there is most likely not any real danger, and we will be staying on the grounds looking for evidence and not going anywhere near the forbidden forest (which due to the rumors I really think should be checked over again) I think it would be a safe and fun expedition where they may learn of all the signs of a werewolf in the area. And of course I would ask Professor Lupin if he would be so kind as to escort us, being a expert on the dark arts and such creatures.

You know I find it rather coincidental that 'Lupin' is so similar to the word 'Lupine' which of course means: relating to wolf: relating to a wolf or wolves. Now I am asking the man to help me try and track one down. I think I will inform him of this so he can appreciate the irony as well.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	31. Thank You, We Had A Lovely Time

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

Thank you for allowing the Inspection Club to search for signs of werewolf activity on the grounds.

Unfortunately, Professor Lupin was feeling under the weather so I asked Professor Snape if he would accompany us instead. It was quite odd actually, when I told the Club that Professor Lupin could not attend and that Professor Snape was coming in his stead, they seemed almost put out. Almost as though they did not enjoy the company of Professor Snape.

I do not know why that would be. He is a competent teacher and has a lovely sense of humor in my opinion. Do you have any idea what may have caused a rift like this between the students and Professor Snape? I am concerned of course because if I find in my inspection that the students dislike Professor Snape, then no matter how qualified he is for his post then I would have to make a note of it in my report, which then may prove detrimental should he look to acquire another teaching position. Not that he would ever leave the school, it is really a 'just in case' sort of thing. But, aside from the Club's wary stance on Professor Snape accompanying us it was a great learning experience. We even found tracks in the mud near the Quidditch pitch. Although the size and shape was all wrong for it to be a werewolf, the Club was so exited to have found something we spent the rest of the evening cataloging the precise length, width and radius of the print, taking pictures, and each member wrote their very own report on the find.

Next meeting we are going to be reading aloud our finished reports. I do hope I can convince Professor Snape to attend another meeting, he was incredibly enthusiastic in our search for proof of a werewolf, and was very let down when we found none.

However the Inspection Club does not give up! There's always the next inspection! (That is the motto that the Club came up with, I think it showcases our determination quite accurately.)

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	32. Had A Nice Day Out Inspecting

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

Yesterday evening I had the pleasure of inspecting Hogsmeade, and found it a rather safe and student friendly environment, exempting a few small things.

Were you aware that the children go into bars? As in establishments that serve alcoholic beverages?

Obviously you were unaware this happened otherwise you would have done something to prevent it.

I did speak with the proprietor of one of theses such businesses and although she did not seem like the sort to serve alcohol to minors, the students could charm their appearance or use an aging potion on themselves to receive such a drink. I suggest that charms be put in place that even should an underage person get their hands on alcohol, they would not be allowed to consume it.

And the other bar I inspected did not even look like it could pass a mandatory health inspection. Honestly, I saw that the bartender was using a Grade HH wash cloth to clean the glasses! Needless to say I was aghast and had to leave the premises immediately before I did something I may have regretted.

And then when later I went to inspect the post office for quality owls, I found a stray dog. Now this dog was very nice, it did not try to bite or growl, it just sat and looked up at me with it's big doggy eyes. Well, regardless of what I have heard some of the students say, I am human. I had to conjure the dog some food. It even followed me for a while and I played fetch with it. I admit, mother never let me keep a dog when I was a child. It may have had something to do with the fact that my uncle was killed by a 'dog lover' but she just was not keen on the idea. When I left house I was too busy with my inspecting to buy one. I had so much fun with the stray dog.

But I am getting off topic. Please excuse me. The stray population needs to be checked up on. There is no guarantee that all of the stray cats, dogs, fish in the back alleys of Hogsmeade are as friendly as the dog I met. A proper pound for all strays needs to be instituted. The students and citizens of Hogsmeade should be able to walk about without the worry of animals attacking them.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	33. Was A Bit Confused

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I thank you quite sincerely for your recent advice.

The next time I see a suspicious looking figure running down the corridor at night I will not try to apprehend it.

As you put it rather humorously in your letter I now have a newly broken and healed nose to remind me of this cautionary tale every time I go out to inspect.

I can assure you that getting punched in the face was not my intention when I went out yesterday evening, I was merely taking a inspection on the nighttime lighting and whether it allowed the inhabitants of the castle to navigate its many halls without tripping or falling due to the poor illumination.

I was nearing the Gryffindor tower when I heard a commotion, so of course I went to inspect it, but now I know I really should have found a staff member to inform of the figure I saw, and then gone after it.

I did not know that at the time however and gave chase to the student who was obviously out of bed past curfew. Then as you know, I being an excellent runner, caught up with the curfew breaking student and grabbed a hold of his arm. The student reacted by thankfully not taking out his wand, but instead hit my nose with his fist. Then I, quite confused as to why a strange very large student in their pajamas hit me, went to find a member of your staff to inform of the mystery student's deplorable behavior.

It took quite a while, it seemed that all the professors where out of the castle. Eventually I decided to retire to my quarters until the morning, when I would go to the hospital wing and fix my nose.

It was then this morning when I met Professor Flitwick on my way to Madame Pomfrey that I realized that the student I met was not a student but Mr. Black, convicted murderer. And that I was being looked for by everyone, It being believed that I had come to some harm, not being in my rooms when I was sent for after the school was put in lockdown, due to Mr. Black breaking in and scaring some poor boy in his bed.

He seems quite deranged. Maybe placing the Dementors around the grounds was justified. (Though they do not seem to be working)

I am very stressed from this whole ordeal. I think that tomorrow I will take one of my mandatory off duty days and spend it in Hogsmeade. Maybe I will find that dog I met before and have a relaxing afternoon playing fetch.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing

P.S. This has nothing to do with business of course, but I have never been very good at naming things. How does "Inspecty" sound for a dog's name?


	34. You Are Invited!

Dear Professor Lupin

Firstly, I would like to express just how well of a job you are doing.

The method in which you teach your students is both inspiring and informative. I hope you received the card I sent you after you became ill when we were going to track down the werewolf that the students have been spreading rumors about. We of course did not find anything that would suggest the presence of a werewolf during that expedition, however, it was very fun.

Secondly, I would like to formally invite you to a weekly card game between myself and Professors Flitwick and Snape. I know we are rather late in asking you to join us, but quite honestly it only occurred to us last week, when we wanted to play a certain game but it required four players. In the end, Professor Flitwick had to charm the cards so they would play themselves, but I have the suspicion enchanted cards have a tendency to cheat.

Would you be interested? We meet every Thursday evening at seven (7:00PM) in the staff room. I do hope you will join us.

Thirdly, although I found no proof of a werewolf on the grounds, I have become increasingly worried that a werewolf may be in the castle itself. When I go inspecting at night I hear scrabbling, not odd in and of itself but as a inspector I have a variety of detection spells in my arsenal and when I cast them it told me that it is very likely a werewolf has been in this very school in the last month alone!

When I spoke to Professor Dumbledore about it he simply said that it wasn't his place to tell me about the private lives of those in this castle. You know sometimes he makes me wonder if he is part Goblin with how cryptic he likes to be.

You being a topnotch Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher I thought maybe you could help me with determining what this is all about. But I of course understand if you are too busy being a excellent teacher to help me with this particular problem. Which of course is quite alright, I am sure that Professor Snape would be willing to step in again to help if I asked him.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	35. I Need Answers

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I am rather irritated that though I was sent to inspect this school you rarely, if ever, give me a straight answer.

I will re-ask the questions I asked you last evening, and I hope that this time you could please try to be less cryptic.

1: Why is Professor Lupin resigning? Was it something I said? Ever since I sent him a letter inviting him to a card game he started to avoid me. As you might see I really should know the reasons that Staff members decide to leave your employ, especially with how frequently it happens.

2: Why did the Dementors surge onto the lake last night?

3: Why, when I informed you yesterday that I saw a boy being dragged off by a dog from my window, did you just smile at me, and do nothing to stop it. I ran after him once it became apparent that you would do nothing and became quite lost, not finding any trace of the boy other then drag marks in the mud. I asked both Professors Lupin when he was walking down the grounds and Snape when I later saw him doing the same, if they could help me, but they both said that they had pressing matters to attend to before I could tell them about the boys predicament.

4: Why when I spoke with you last night about the boy and how we needed to start a search party you just said that he was fine and would speak no more on the subject?

5:Why did you allow a execution of an animal to take place on the grounds? Witnessing such a event can prove quite traumatizing to a young student, and therefore should not have taken place anywhere near the castle.

6:May we or may we not host Percy's going away party in the unused class room on the fourth floor? We really should have had this worked out months ago.

I can only assume you had a perfectly valid reason not to answer these questions previously. I do expect you to kindly reply to these questions as quickly as you can. I do not know why you could not do so last night. Seeing as I am Chief Centennial Inspector I really must know what is going on in this school. I understand it is my job to inspect and figure it out on my own but if I ask you a question, especially those about students being dragged off by wild animals, I really should get a answer.

Happy late end of exams.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	36. Year The  Fourth And Concern

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I hope you had a lovely holiday.

During my trip to Africa and inspection of some of the amazing desserts they have, I thought about our conversation right before I left the school, and I do hope that this year we can start on a new leaf, maybe with myself being more understanding, and yourself being a bit more forthcoming.

I have no doubts that we can coexist in a efficient manner rather then sending confusing and often misunderstood letters to each other.

That being said, I would like to question the wisdom in holding the Tri-wizard Tournament again after it was banned because that poor boy was turned irreversibly, into a plant.

I do understand that it is a wonderful bonding opportunity for the different nations, and a great cultural experience for the students, but maybe we could 'tone down' the events for the safety and well being of everyone involved.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	37. My Thoughts On The Matter

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I am sorry I was absent from the great hall when the champions were being announced. I was thoroughly engrossed in the inspection of the Beauxbatons horse type carriage carriers. I admit I had never seen anything quite like them and lost track of the time. However, I did hear quite a lot about it this morning when I was called upon by Professor Karakroff, Professor Maxime, Mr. Crouch, and Mr. Bagman to conduct a formal investigation on how the Goblet of Fire was so easily duped by a fourth (4th) year student.

I will be holding this investigation of course, but first I thought I would just make some of my thoughts known.

I really do not think that a student who is underage should be allowed to participate in a tournament with a strict age limit ( put there with very good reasons) such as the Tri-wizard tournament, regardless of magically binding pacts.

Putting aside of course the unfair advantage Hogwarts would gain over the other schools, it is simply unsafe to disregard the rules put in place to keep the participants safe and unharmed throughout the festivities.

And as the student is not of age, I must advise you he is required to have the permission of his parents or legal guardian to enter the tournament in the first place. If you do somehow convince the other Professors to allow you two champions then I would have to see a permission slip.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	38. Did You Know?

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I cannot believe it. Did you know? This whole time? The boy that was wrongly chosen by the Goblet of Fire was none other than Harry Potter! The boy who lived! And he is in his fourth year! He came to the school the same year I came to inspect! I simply cannot comprehend that for all these years I did not notice that the savior of the Wizarding world was eating in the same great hall that I was.

Of course this does change some things. There is really no reason at all that you should allow him to participate in the tournament. It is highly unjust to force the boy who saved our very way of life to do all sorts of things that could be both dangerous and terrifying. And of course you do not want to cause a rift to grow between him and the rest of the student body, leading them, to believe that Mr. Potter is receiving 'special treatment' or something of the like.

While I was inspecting the goblet I have determined that it has been confounded by a very high level charm. I would not put it passed the skill level of your excellent students, but I would rather think that they were not trying to cheat in this instance, and instead come to the conclusion that someone has tried to sabotage the goblet. Just another reason that Mr. Potter should not be allowed in the tournament. I smell something nefarious here.

I will be speaking to the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, who I have not yet had the pleasure of formally meeting due to all the activity and subsequent inspection. Hopefully he may give me a lead on who might have done this.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	39. Disappointed

Dear Professor Dumbledore.

I am sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you, I had a very nice time speaking with Professor Moody about the life of an Auror, I was going to be one once, when I was young and full of dreams, before I found the noble career of inspection.

You know it just occurred to me that standard procedure dictates five (5) quarterly reports to be delivered to the inspected during a year, but I have just found so many infractions that I have written many more then that amount. But this is hardly a 'standard' inspection, so I think it is to be expected.

I see that you have disregarded my suggestion to keep Mr. Potter out of the tournament, while not entirely unexpected, it does disappoint me, and I will be making a point of it in my report. A very large and consequential point.

Also I see that you have not yet contacted Mr. Potter's guardians as of yet. Do not worry, I will be sending them a letter outlining all the risks of the tournament, and just what they can expect to become of their adopted son if they allow him to enter it. So please do not count on Mr. Potter participating just yet, I am sure that his guardians will put a stop to this nonsense.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing

P.S. I do think it was just a joke, but Professor Moody mentioned that you were allowing him to use unforgivable curses on his students. Being Chief Centennial Inspector I must inspect all irregularities. Please confirm that he was joking.


	40. Stay Away From My Family

Mr. Insane Wizard.

Yes, we damn well do understand the consequences, and we still want our freak of a nephew to enter the bloody tournament.

We would be so sad if he did get turned into a plant.

Thank you so much for informing us of the possibility.

Never write again.

Sincerely, Vernon Dursley


	41. Worrisome

Dear Professor Dumbledore

Are you quite sure that Mr. Potter's guardians are satisfactory?

The letter I received from them is very worrisome, and I think it may be prudent to have them investigated.

Have you encountered any suspicious behavior from them in the past? Has Mr. Potter ever expressed his feelings for his guardians to you or any of your staff?

I see no reason to let this matter 'slide' for if the investigation does turn up signs of the Dursley family being inappropriate guardians, then I am very sure that there are plenty of other more affectionate families who would be happy to care for him, and keep his well being in mind.

They did send a signed permission slip, and while I would like to dispute the validness of the permission slip, pending a investigation into the Dursley household, I cannot stop you from ill advisedly allowing him in the tournament.

I really am aghast at you. Professor Moody has informed me it was not a joke, (although your skirting around the subject in your last letter might have clued me in) and I witnessed him using the imperious curse on second year students. Needless to say, I attempted to stop him, and had a very unflattering argument with him in front of his class. I do apologize for that, it was very unprofessional of me to speak with him about it in the classroom, I should have taken it outside.

Putting aside that it is not safe or legal at all that you have allowed someone to use curses that would regularly get you sent to prison on underage wizards that you have been entrusted to keep safe during the school year, this is another case of no consent from the parent/s or legal guardian/s.

I read the standard letter you send to all of the possible students every school year, and nowhere in it does it inform you of the possibility of the student being cursed by a teacher, or a request for permission to do so.

Though this is certainly not directed at you personally, what sort of school is it that allows unforgivable curses to be placed on students without consent from a parent or guardian, but requires it for a stroll down into a neighboring town?

Not that I am suggesting you no longer require consent forms for trips to Hogsmeade. It just confuses me.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	42. I Did Not Mean Dragons

Dear Professor Dumbledore

When I had asked if perhaps the tournament could be toned down for the sake of everyone involved I had in mind a friendly game of capture the flag, or maybe a spell casting competition, at the very least there could have been a competitive dual that was highly supervised.

I did not mean dragons.

Where did the idea even come from? Bagman, no doubt, but did no one speak out against it? Did none of the individuals tasked with the safety of the participants think that maybe dragons could injure someone?

Again, I urge you to withdraw Mr. Potter from the tournament.

As for Professor Moody, I regrettably cannot act against your unwise decision myself until after the inspection is complete, although I will be sending an urgent letter to the Inspection Inspector, who will no doubt be interested in these goings on.

My inspection on the goblet is still ongoing, though I have not turned up many leads, I do think I am getting closer to finding whomever has tricked it.

I have continued to speak with Professor Moody about it, but I think I may no longer do so, he keeps suggesting the most preposterous methods of investigation. It makes me wonder what the Auror Academy was like when he attended. Although he did graduate whereas I simply dropped out when it became apparent that it was not where my destiny laid. Even so it seems unlikely that I would find evidence of the perpetrator if I were to jump in the lake. Still, it would be best to inspect rather then not. I will most likely bring along my inspection club and make a day of it.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	43. This Is Ridicules

Dear Professor Dumbledore

I completely agree with Professor McGonagall. Professor Moody should be removed from his teaching position here at the school. You are very lucky that Mr. and Ms. Malfoy are so understanding and have decided not to press charges. I mean honestly, has the man gone mad? I remember the great Alastor Moody as a war hero, not someone who would transfigure a boy into a rodent! And for something so small as a friendly school yard scuffle! This cannot be tolerated. Of course you do have final say, but it would look very poorly on you indeed should you take no action on this.

On a lighter note.

Merry Christmas!

I had a fantastic time at the Yule Ball, there was much dancing and laughter and punch. Although I really should have inspected the entire night, I just could not stop myself from taking part in all the festivities.

The ball was splendid, you really did do a excellent job, and of course there was Percy, did you see? Mr. Crouch's Personal Assistant! I cannot believe it! It is just so exciting, I mean, I received a letter from him months ago, telling me of his new position, but to actually see it! Well, I suppose that is enough of my blather, I do apologize, I am just so proud! I am so very grateful you allowed me to start the inspection club, already I have helped a noble young man on his way to greatness.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	44. A Problem

Wormtail

I can't take it anymore, he's on to me, I know it! That thrice damned inspector! I know he knows! The constant questions! The probing, about the Auror academy! Trying to get me to slip up, always coming over to 'chat' on his time off, because he 'admires' me so much.

He's mocking me.

He has to be. What else could it be? Why else wouldn't he have gone to Dumbledore yet? He has a cold spiteful heart, that's it, he should have been on our side, how else could he look at me, like he knows I'm not that old coot Mad Eye? I told him to jump in a lake when he asked my opinion on who tricked the Goblet of Fire. The next time I saw him he said I was brilliant for suggesting it and that he had "had a great deal of fun, and looked forward to doing it again, perhaps you could join us next time?" He Knows. What else could he have possibly have meant by that?

I'm trying to keep my cover until the end of the year, I really am, for the Dark Lord, our Master, but the inspector must go. He knows our plans, I'm certain, ask our Master, if at the next chance I get, could I please, please take care of him?

Sincerely,

The Dark Lord's Favorite


	45. Hoping Howarts Takes The Cup

Dear Professor Dumbledore

This task is much more appropriate than the first one. Although I would have preferred you used mannequins rather then real people, for what they had to retrieve.

I have gotten much closer to a possible culprit, and Professor Moody's latest advice was to take a hike, so this evening I will be going down to the Forbidden Forest to do so, I will not actually be entering it, so do not fret, merely walking around, surveying, and inspecting.

I do think the last task will be quite exciting, this is off the record of course, but I do hope that Hogwarts takes the Cup.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	46. Rejoice

Wormtail

Father broke out of his Imperious Curse, he was wandering on the grounds raving, I had to take care of him. No one suspects a thing.

And you know what the best part is? That fool inspector was walking by while I did it! I tried to talk my way out first, of course I did, our Master doesn't want any disruptions that might be caused should the Inspection Inspector be called, but he was mocking me again! I asked him what he was doing, and he said "why taking a hike of course my good man, would you like to join me? Perhaps we could inspect together, as inspecting friends." YOU SEE? HE KNOWS! HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!

I had to take care of him I did! Besides, if there's one disappearance there might as well be two.

I haven't killed him yet though, I'm awaiting the Master's orders, I transfigured him into a rock and put him in the trunk that I keep Mad Eye in. They should keep each other company.

I hope Master isn't too mad, after all, it might be good to get an insider in the ministry's inspection game, we could shut Hogwarts down in a heartbeat.

Waiting for further instruction.

The Dark Lord's Favorite


	47. Still Alive

Dear Professor Dumbledore

Good news! I have found our culprit! Unfortunately, he caught me, and I am currently in his captivity. I had always suspected that something was amiss with Professor Moody, but never to this degree. I am worried that you may not receive this letter, seeing as I have no way of sending it, but I am hoping that during one of the times that my captor opens up the hole in the ceiling of the prison I am sitting in to harvest my cellmates hair, I will be able to use some wandless magic to put a seeking charm on this letter, and float it safely to you.

Thankfully, my captor did not relieve me of my quill and parchment (which I keep on my person at all times) and so I am able to send this to you. If in fact you do receive this letter.

Do not worry over my person. Although it would be splendid for you to rescue me as soon as you receive this letter, I should be alive for at least a little while longer. I believe that the false Professor Moody has some rather dreadful things for me in mind, and is therefore giving me food and water on a regular basis.

I do not know where exactly I am located, but I am sure you will be able to figure it out.

I am rather surprised you have not done so already, surely you did not think I had simply left a inspection half finished?

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	48. Thank You

Dear Professor Dumbledore

Thank you immensely for your timely rescue. Although it was more than a month's time of myself being trapped in that dank dark horrible hole, I am positive you did your best to find me. It was most likely your dedicated investigation on my disappearance that somehow lead to you finding me and Mr. Moody the night of the third challenge. I am still unsure as to why Mr. Potter was there, but I am sure it hardly matters.

I heard about the events of the third task. It is a very regrettable, and in hindsight a entirely avoidable, tragedy that has befallen the whole of this school and the wizarding community at large.

I feel that maybe if things had been done differently, a more thorough observation of the proceedings, a less dangerous set of tasks, not allowing Mr. Potter to participate, or even simply not holding the tournament at all, then Mr. Diggory would still be with us today.

I do hope that this incident will help us to better the safety of the school and the safety of all who call it home.

It is with great solemnity that I leave for the summer, and return this fall, to inspect in order to try and prevent such things as this from happening in the future.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	49. Replacement?

Dear Professor Dumbledore

Are you aware that a member of the Ministry, particularly the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister himself, is being given the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?

Well of course you are aware of it, you are the Headmaster, but do you know anything else about it?

Now I of course would never belittle or attempt to degrade any of the ministry's fine workers, but do you not think that her expertise may not lie in teaching? In her background check (that I do for all the teachers at this school, as part of my report) never was there any mention of any experience in that field, but it did say that she started her career in the Department For Permits And Filing. Now why would the minister send his own Senior Undersecretary to fill a post, which is very kind of him, might I add, when she does not even have the credentials required for the job. Surely the Minister has someone more qualified for the position at his disposal?

You may be wondering what exactly I am trying to say, so I will simply say it.

Did you send a letter requesting a new Inspector?

Really, you could have told me if I was unsatisfactory, is this about how many times I was put in the hospital? Or how much inspecting I missed last Spring because of the kidnapping? Those were all very unfortunate incidents and very much out of my control, if it were up to me I would never have taken that time off when I was petrified. What if I were to inspect during holidays? Would that be alright? Please, I am sure we can work this out without dragging a Replacement Inspector into this. Although I do admire your concern for my feelings by disguising the Replacement Inspector as a Professor, I am an adult, I could have handled it.

Awaiting an opportunity where we may talk this all out.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing

P.S. I had a fabulous holiday in the Amazon, you would not believe how poisonous their frogs are. Will be sending you pictures at my earliest convenience.


	50. Suspicious

Dear Professor Dumbledore

Although I am sorry for accusing you of reporting me as unsatisfactory, what you say does nothing to relieve me of the sense that something very untoward is going on here.

What I said in my previous letter still stands, Professor Umbridge's appearance is very suspicious.

But seeing as I will be inspecting her this year I am sure that the matter will not remain unknown for too much longer.

And speaking of matters, I would like to express my sympathies for the barbaric way that the media has turned on you and Mr. Potter. It is simply ludicrous to even entertain the idea that such things could be true! I have written a formal complaint to the Daily Prophet, explaining to them how wrong they are, and that perhaps they should start checking their facts. I have not yet received a return letter from them proclaiming their sorrow for their misdeeds, but I am sure that they will soon change their ways.

Do not worry, the news can say what it likes, I do not think you are senile.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	51. Aspiring Inspector!

Dear Professor Dumbledore

After hearing Professor Umbridge's speech during the welcoming feast this evening, I think I have it at least partly figured out.

Her words were that of an aspiring Inspector!

I do not know why one would be sent here under the pretense of being a Professor, or why one would be sent at all while I am here, but there can be no mistake, many a new hotheaded young Inspector has said roughly the same to me in the past. Sadly, they think it is the Inspector's task to inspect and decide what is regulation and what is not, and then 'prune what needs pruning' I believe her words were. But in reality, it is the Inspector's duty to discover all they can about the regulations, infractions on regulations, health hazards, and any number of variables of the Inspected, and make a through report in a unbiased and calm manner.

I am not condemning her passion for inspecting, in fact it is rather heartening to see it. However, I will speak to her about it, and explain that there are guidelines that Inspectors must follow.

Also I will find out why she is here, of course.

Excited for yet another year full of inspection.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	52. Chatting With Dolores

Dear Professor Dumbledore

I had a fantastic time chatting with Dolores, she has the most charming set of plates that have kittens on them.

She really is a most excellent conversationalist . Why, we talked for hours! I learned that she really is very interested in the job of an Inspector, when she first started out in the Department For Permits And Filing that was her main goal but decided against it when offered the position that would one day lead to her being Senior Undersecretary to the Minister. She wanted to know everything about what I have Inspected so far, and all about the life of an Inspector, she even wanted to see my Report, to see the work that a top notch Inspector like myself produces. I think she was trying to make me blush with all the compliments.

But I declined to show the Report to her. It is highly unprofessional for me to share an unfinished Report with anyone other then the Inspection Inspector. And even then it hardly happens at all.

We are going to have tea again this Sunday, she says that she has a special announcement for the school that she wants me to hear first. I cannot wait!

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing

P.S. Oh dear, I forgot to even ask her about her credentials! I will make sure to remember to do so this Sunday.


	53. Smitten

Dear Professor Snape

I think I am in Love!

The new Professor, Dolores Umbridge, is a beautiful person inside and out. She loves kittens and inspecting and writing and order and cleanliness and she is such an ambitious person! She is my dream come true, I thought I was doomed to live a loveless existence, without the company of my other half, but now I have found her.

Which is why I need your help, Severus. She has, as I am sure you have heard, named herself High Inquisitor. She spoke with me about it before she made the news public and I was so smitten that I was unable to let her know what a poor choice it was. And now I fear for her greatly, not only does it put her in a position where she can become drunk with the power it provides, but it also treads on the Department For Permits And Filing's feet, and I will have to send a report telling the Department of this.

And should I even try to have a relationship with a colleague? Can it be done?

You may have guessed that I did not send this letter to Professor Snape my colleague, but to Severus my friend. I need help, as I am not well versed in the 'dating scene' and would much appreciate any advice you have to offer.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	54. Speak Freely

Dear Professor Dumbledore

As you might have heard, after I was done speaking with Dolores this Sunday, she announced that she was made High Inquisitor by order of the Minister. Now I am worried about this turn of events. I think it would be prudent for yourself and the Minister to have a sit down and speak freely with one another about the matter at hand.

It is not good at all for the Minister to sneak in an Inspector (especially when one is already on the job) without consulting you first about whatever problem he may have with your school.

I am not faulting Dolores with this of course, she was merely following the orders of her superiors, and in no way is responsible for this confusing situation.

Other than the oddity of Dolores's unexpected Inspection of classes, everything has been going along accordingly in the school.

And though I had scheduled Class Inspection for my sixth year, I see no reason as to why I cannot inspect them if Dolores will be as well, it will be as though we are an Inspecting team, we can even compile our Reports together! As long as you see no problem with it. I do not. But thought I should ask, just in case.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	55. So Glad

Dear Professor Dumbledore

I am so glad that you had no qualms with myself inspecting with Dolores, it has been a very enlightening time for me.

Firstly, Dolores has a dreadful cough! When I asked her about it she said she was quite alright but I have reason to believe otherwise. She needed to cough almost every time she spoke. I am sure she is merely soldiering on in order not to be a burden to others, but she should not worry about that if her health is in question. I would have told her as much but inexplicably seem to lose my eloquence whenever I am in her vicinity. It is quite embarrassing. I did ask Madame Pomfrey about it, but all she did in response was stare blankly. I am slightly worried.

Secondly, Dolores may need some teaching in the field of Inspection. She did an admirable job of writing what she sees in a standard Inspection Clipboard, but she has much to learn in the way of asking pertinent questions and performing standard Inspection Spells.

I will attempt to inform and educate her on this.

And thirdly, though this does not exactly pertain to my time with Dolores, I have been hearing rumors about a new form of punishment being instituted. I do not know much about it as I have only heard it in passing while inspecting the conversations that the students have in class, but what I have heard is very concerning. Apparently this new punishment involves tattooing a students arm.

Of course it could just be rumors, but as per usual I will be inspecting just to be sure. And though I am very sure you yourself would have no idea about this possible punishment, for you would never let something like this happen, I am obliged to ask you if you have any knowledge about this. For formalities sake.

You do not think Mr. Filch could have had something to do with it, do you? I have heard him mutter about the 'Old Ways' quite often. And while it is unnerving, I had assumed it to be harmless.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	56. Tea?

Dear Dolores

I am going into Hogsmeade this weekend to inspect and such, and was wondering if you would be interested in joining me?

For inspecting.

And maybe tea.

If you would like to.

I know this wonderful place that you reminded me of, it has bows all over the walls, and it even used to have enchanted confetti that would be thrown in the air above you, until I informed them that the confetti was a health hazard.

I suppose I should say that inspecting is not the whole reason I would like you to come with me. I do enjoy your company immensely and would like to get to better know you.

Calmly and collectedly awaiting your reply,

Cygnus Stixrood


	57. You Were Right

Dear Severus

You were right!

I asked her! I asked her to Hogsmeade with me this weekend and she said yes!

When you told me in your last letter to 'go for it' I admit I was skeptical, how could anyone so lovely as her ever going to love me? Would I just be making a fool of myself by asking? But I did, and she said yes, and we are going to go out to lunch.

I thank you profusely for your sage advice Severus. I do not think I could have done it without your constant moral support.

I have to go pick wild flowers for Dolores now so I can enchant them to compliment her in time for our lunch together.

I will tell you all about how it went, on Monday, during our card game.

Wish me luck!

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	58. Fabulous

Dear Severus

This weekend was fabulous!

Apart from a small incident where at the tea shop there were some students who were engaging in some rather inappropriate behavior that was quite disgruntling, other than that however it was marvelous.

You may have noticed that I am writing you this letter with details of this weekend when I had stated in my last letter that I would inform you of them during our next card game, however there are other matters that I wish to speak to you of that cannot wait.

Firstly, just as a 'heads up' Dolores is planning on inspecting your class tomorrow. Now although I do care for her deeply, after witnessing her tactics of inspection first hand I can see how some of the Professors may see her as a disruption of regular classes, or possibly even an annoyance. I know, the last one came as a shock at first to myself as well, when Professor McGonagall first told me of her impression, but although I do not agree with her, I see how she might think that. But I have faith that you will rise above the others and be courteous to her, even though she is not the most competent of inspectors.

Secondly, Dolores has passed a 'decree' which states that "No student organization, societies, teams, groups and clubs may exist without the knowledge and approval of the High Inquisitor"

I am not sure what has prompted her to issue this decree, but I will be bringing it to the attention of my Inspection Club to it, then we can all process the appropriate paperwork and forms to get the approval it requires to continue.

But other than offering this new teaching experience for my Club, it is a warning sign.

A warning sign that, as I feared, Dolores is wandering down the path that could eventually lead to her abusing her power.

I would confront her about it. Maybe even hold a an intervention, but we have decided together that we will keep our work lives and our personal lives separate.

You may be wondering why I brought this to you rather than the Headmaster. Well I have informed him. He declined to do anything but smile at me knowingly. It was quite frustrating, but not unexpected.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	59. Need To Learn

Dear Dolores

You do know that as a teacher appropriate punishment is something you need to know about.

Certain things that the students do, like talking back, or coming late to class, warrant detention, but there are various degrees of punishment that you are allowed to give out due to the severity of their transgressions.

However, and I do not think I can stress this enough, carving lines into the students arms has never been, nor will it ever be, appropriate detention materiel.

I know teaching is a new experience for you, and you are trying to do the best that you can, but I am afraid that things like this warrant myself as an Inspector to suggest your immediate removal from your post, and to label you as highly unfit for any activity involving children, in my Official Report.

I know we agreed to keep our personal and work lives separate, so while I will be doing that, I will also be working with you wholeheartedly in learning less sadistic ways of reprimanding your students, and to form an appeal in case you are brought before the Wizengamot for your uses of Cruel and Unusual Punishment.

Yours always,

Cygnus


	60. Dearest Mother

Dearest Mother

How are you? I do hope you have gotten past your little tiff with Ms. Hornsby, and that your bridge games are now continuing unhindered with your distaste for her particular style in gloves.

The winter weather here at the castle has made excellent conditions for Healthy Outside Play investigations. And I must say, the children are simply frolicking about in the snow.

What do you have planned for the holidays? Not another one of Ms. Hornsby's parties I hope, you always get intoxicated and say something that you later regret.

But, I am not writing just to speak about the season's splendor. I do have rather pressing issues that I believe only you can help me with.

I have told you about Dolores of course. And though she is perfect beyond compare, I have noticed something. She dislikes children. Well I suppose 'dislike' is not the most appropriate of words, it is more of a unfounded hatred that she harbors for adolescents.

I have tried to confront her about this of course, but she refuses to even admit that she has a problem, simply going on about how if they did not misbehave that she would have no need to reprimand them. And the way she reprimands them! Early on in the school year I had heard rumors, of course you remember me telling you about them yes? Well recently, I was suspecting them to be quite a lot more then just rumors, considering all of the students walking around the castle clutching a bleeding forearm. So I did some investigating, and uncovered the heinous crime while in progress. I was just going to Dolores's office to speak to her about an evening out that we had planned, and whether or not she enjoyed sea food, when I walked in and saw her sitting at her desk with Harry Potter himself sitting across from her! And first I thought that they were having a friendly chat amongst friends, but then I saw he was writing lines. I had no inkling as to what Mr. Potter could have done to deserve detention, he is such a nice boy, and saved us all from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, too. However I was prepared to give Dolores the benefit of the doubt and speak to her about it once Mr. Potter had left, when I noticed that Mr. Potter was writing with red ink, which was quite suspicious in and of itself, black ink is the standard for all detention proceedings, and then I saw his arm.

It was dreadful. I admit, when I saw it I was shocked. I may have fainted. When I woke up with Dolores standing over me, I may have fainted for a second time. But after that I was in charge! I told Mr. Potter that he could leave and that he should never report to a detention of Dolores's again, I respectfully informed Dolores that if it was alright with her we would be going out to get some seafood that Saturday, then went to my rooms and composed letters to Professor Dumbledore, The Emergency Inspector Report Office, and to Dolores herself.

I do not know what to do! We did agree to keep our work and personal lives separate, but should I overlook these incredible acts of cruelty?

Your Devoted Son

Cygnus


	61. Come Collect Cygnus

Albus

I really cannot take it anymore.

Cygnus has broken up with that pink toad and now has taken up residence in my quarters, drinking any alcohol that I have on hand and bemoaning his 'lost love'.

Please come and collect him at your earliest convenience.

And please stop smirking. Yes I encouraged his feelings for Umbridge. I only did it because it was the only thing he would talk about during our card games, and I believed that if he spoke with her and got it over with then we could move onto other conversational topics.

And yes it backfired. He would stay after the game was finished so he could say More about his 'sweet flower'.

If Cygnus didn't have such a good poker face I would have been done with him long ago.

So if you would kindly stop that damned eye twinkle I know you are currently doing while reading this and get down here, it would be much appreciated.

Severus

P.S If you take longer than a hour then I will simply put him out in the hall and leave him for Peeves.


	62. Christmas Sadness

Dear Professor Dumbledore

I spoke with you briefly about Professor Umbridge's 'Teaching Methods' and did, as I said I would, send a letter informing the ministry that she should be removed from her post immediately due to safety reasons.

I have been made no reply as of yet. I am starting to worry that the ministry may already know what Professor Umbridge is doing, and are quite alright with her continuing her cruel and not at all educational classes and subsequent detentions.

But on a lighter note, Merry Christmas. I hope that you are enjoying the festivities. I will be celebrating Christmas by myself. Alone. In my quarters. Perhaps with some fire whisky. Maybe I'll go down to Hogsmeade and try and find Inspecty the dog. Even though I haven't seen him all year, and am quite missing his companionship.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	63. Ankle Chains? Really?

Mr. Filch

I must respectfully decline your request to repurpose the unused classroom in the dungeons as a detention room.

I really do not see the need, as the Professors are quite capable of disciplining the students by themselves, also, I have no clue as to what purpose Ankle Chains suspended from the ceiling would serve.

Although while we are already in correspondence, there is something I have been meaning to speak with you about.

I understand that you are a friend to Dolores. I was wondering if perhaps you have noticed anything off about her lately. I am starting to worry about how much time she spends thinking up new decrees. And how increasingly restrictive they are to the students' and teachers' daily lives.

Just hoping that you could shed some light on the situation,

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing

P.S. Does she talk about me at all? Just curious. I just need to know. Because of a perfectly reasonable inspecting type reason.


	64. A Little Help

Dear Professor Dumbledore

Peeves has taken to following me around and singing rhymes about what a bad person I am.

I would like to request leave to curse him. Nothing too awful, of course. Maybe just a nose and toe switching jinx?

As you may have already guessed, Peeves is not the true reason I am writing to you. The true reason is actually quite dreadful and very important to the fate of this school's very way of life.

Dolores is trying to get me sacked.

I do not understand it. She is the one that was torturing students! I received just the other day a letter from the Inspector Inspector himself that he had received complaints about me from the inspected!

Usually any complaints are brushed aside, it is not at all uncommon for an Inspected party to try to discredit the Inspector because there is something they do not want coming to light, but Dolores holds quite a bit of sway in the Ministry, and I am very worried for my position.

Perhaps you could send a small letter explaining the circumstances to the Inspector Inspector, to clear all of this up?

I know that you are busy with Dolores as it is, her already accomplishing to sack poor Ex-Professor Trelawney. But if you are able, I would much appreciate the help.

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


	65. Dumbledore!

Dear Severus

Dumbledore has been sacked! I thought Dolores had been going after me, but she got him instead! Now she is headmistress, and the entire school is subjected to her tyranny and iron rule, devoid of any warmth or learning.

I do have to admit, Dumbledore raising an army of the students to dispose of her was brilliant, but very morally ambiguous.

But it has given me an idea.

The Inspection Club has recently been disbanded by Dolores. So we, as the mighty Phoenix does, will rise again in the midst of our ashes. The Inspection Squad has been formed! With a new creed! The Inspection Squad will never not! (Inspect Tyranny!)

The members thought that one up, I thought it was quite clever.

Anyway, I was just writing to inform you that you should probably avoid the 4th floor's second stair.

The Inspection Squad has teamed up with the Weasley twins (such nice boys, they remind me of their brother, Percy) and they will be causing a distraction so that the Squad can do some unhindered Inspecting.

Have a nice day,

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing

P.S. Down with the Pink Toad!

P.P.S. We voted on the Inspection Squads new creed, and that came second place, and we liked it so much we decided to sign all our letters with it.

P.P.P.S. Would you happen to have any itching powder I could use? It is for Inspecting.


	66. A Lot of Mildew

Dear Severus

As you most likely are already aware, our planned Distraction Inspection Combo failed spectacularly.

We were found out by a passing member of the Inquisitorial Squad and thankfully I was the only one recognized on sight, before we were able to make our escape.

Anyway, I am now in hiding in the dungeons. Please do not tell Dolores where I am.

I suppose I should have fled the castle entirely, but I haven't finished my main Inspection yet. And besides, I have not before now gotten a chance to inspect the dungeons so closely. Spoiler: there is a lot of mold.

I am getting some information from the house elves who have so kindly given me food whenever I ask for it, but can you tell me how things are going upstairs? And could you watch over the Inspection Club for me? I did tell them to lie low for awhile, but you know them, always wanting to Inspect Tyranny.

I do hope that Dolores is disposed of soon. I really do want to leave the dungeons before summer vacation.

By the way, you don't happen to know where Dumbledore has gone off to, do you?

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing

P.S. Down with the Pink Toad!


	67. Stop It

Cygnus

Please stop breaking into my ingredients cupboard. I know it is you. I have told you that you do not have to live in the dungeons, I have a spare room I have offered you on multiple occasions, that you continue to refuse.

No, I will not tell Umbridge you are here. It is rather insulting that you thought I needed telling.

However, if you do continue to take things from my room or cupboard, then I will tell Umbridge you are down here. And yes, there is a lot of mold. It is magical mold that keeps pests away. Please stop removing it.

Yes, your "Inspection Squad" is doing fine. All they do is leave rude notes for Umbridge at her place at the high table. She has stopped attending meals.

Severus


	68. Cordially

Dear Professor Snape

Kindly stop conferring with that deranged lunatic in the dungeons.

Yes, I know he is there, if it weren't for the fact that the house elves are obligated to tell me anything I ask, the new lack of mildew and presence of air freshening potions being used might have clued me in.

Of course, you must have been unaware that I now have a warrant for his admittance to St Mungo's psychiatric unit, otherwise you would not be speaking with him at all, I am sure.

Also, if you happen to know the person or persons, responsible for leaving toads that have been charmed pink in my personal rooms, then you are honor bound as a professional of this school to come forth with that information.

Cordially,

High Inquisitor Dolores Jane Umbridge, Headmistress of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


	69. Do Not Sit In The Chair

Dear Professor Dumbledore

I am very pleased with your timely return. It was complete anarchy in your absence. I am very proud of the part that the Inspections Squad had in the anarchy, and am almost glad that they were put into the undesirable position of having a power mad Headmistress, as they have learned many valuable things about the importance of inspecting.

Some very interesting things happened while you were away, other then Dolores taking over the school, of course, which I am sure you are already aware of.

For one, I have found a very unlikely ally in Peeves. The poltergeist is actually quite charming once you get to know him, and he is not actively throwing foul smelling substances at you. Peeves and I whiled away many an afternoon thinking up and then implementing tactics to oust Dolores and her iron rule from the sacred halls of Hogwarts. I made him a Honorary Member of the Inspection Squad.

And do not worry, I will un-hex your chair at the high table at my earliest convenience. I do hope you have not sat in it yet. It would be very unpleasant for you.

While I must admit that when I heard Dolores was sent to the hospital wing due to centaur induced wounds, I may have been most happy I have ever been in my life, I think we will have to discuss the fact that the centaurs did carry away and harm a member of the castle.

Not that the centaurs were not fully provoked and had every right to do what they did to Dolores, I am just worried that an ill mannered student could wander in and suffer the same fate.

Perhaps we could do something to prevent that.

As I asked in one of my first letters.

When you assured me it would never happen.

Regardless of the Misinformation that I was given, I do hope you have a wonderful summer.

I unfortunately I will not be able to spend it vacationing as I often do, because I am needed for an emergency Inspection. Apparently, someone broke into the Ministry. I have not been up on current events as of late, (hiding in a dungeon can do that) so I have no idea who could have done such a thing, but I plan on finding out as I asses the damage done, and inspect ways to improve the security. It must be comically lapse for something like this to happen, and to the Department of Mysteries no less!

Very happy you are back in charge,

Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing


End file.
